Thursday, February 25, 2016

Summer Wars !!!

The winter has come and gone. !! The first signs of the end of winter in Gurgaon are not the warm evening air or people sans the colorful shawls and sweaters or the absence of lazy foggy mornings. It is the resurfacing of the sly creepy slithering lizards which the place is infested with. If you are, like me, psychotic about the creatures, Gurgaon can be a nightmare to live in. These lizards have clearly established their domain in the city. No amount of care and cleanliness and fumigation of your home can help you get rid of these omnipresent creatures. They might just creep upon you from anywhere. In the building porches, corridors, gardens, behind the book shelf, under the kitchen cabinet, on the shower curtain or worst still slithering on the floor. There are just millions of them everywhere. Maybe Gurgaon is the safe haven of lizards and they come and settle here from all over the country and perhaps even migrate from colder climates.  I do not have facts or research to support this but my bet is that "Gurgaon lizards" (henceforward referred to as "the creature") are the fastest in the world. I suspect they are also blessed with uncanny supernatural powers to appear and disappear at will.

 When I first moved to Gurgaon from Mumbai I lived in a large and sparsely furnished home away from the city, in the Aravali Hills. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would have to deal with "the creatures" besides missing the hustle bustle of Mumbai and its vivacity. They were of varied shapes, sizes, colors and personalities parked themselves all over the house in their respective corners slyly marking their territory. But they all had a singular common trait- total and complete fearlessness from humans and their arsenal (read measly jhadoos and insect sprays). No amount of efforts and attacks had any effect on them. They just kept coming back and back again. My act was the same every time. "Creature Spotting-cringing-screaming- jhadoo-spray and finally running-hiding and cursing my fate”. Slowly I grew tired of this constant fear mongered war and my Mumbaiyya spirit of "dealing with all adversity" clicked in. One fine wintery morning I had a divine realization.

This war was nothing but a natural progression of living in North India. While in the west where I was born and grew up the culture was of "Being and letting be”, in North it was "Me before he/she". Many blame it on the multiple wars and military attacks to this part of the country over the centuries resulting in a constant struggle for survival of the fittest. I don't really know to what extent it is true but the fact is every interaction in this part of the country is about power play. Whoever is the first to establish the stamp of authority and power is the winner all the way. If you wilt or flinch in the slightest.there!!! the power is gone to the opponent. Be it with the doodhwala (milkman), sabjiwala (vegetable vendor), maid or neighbors and even new found friends. Once you allow the other person to wield authority, you cannot complain of being "taken for granted" or "not consulted" or "lied to". Always always always establish the power. Be it by aggression, assertion or a plain and simple shouting match as the circumstance or opponent category may require.

Once this realization was complete I got my act together in more ways than one.   I decided to mend my ways to deal with the "the creature" too. I realized that just like the rest of the things in North India this play was also about power. So after the first winter (when incidentally the cold blooded creatures disappear completely. Oooh don’t I love the season!! ) I told myself, this is my house and these creatures are not welcome. So I wielded power and fortified my home with specially ordered "Laxman Rekha" chalk (which is said to keep away lizards), got a pest control treatment (though the company rep confirmed their treatment had no effect on "the creature") and equipped myself with a long "jhadoo" and multitude of insect sprays. So when the first of "the creatures" appeared I nearly welcomed them, waiting with bated breath to see the effect of my "power play". But Alas!!! They remained unaffected. It was just business as usual for them. I was totally flustered and irritated. I was ready to pack my bags and move rather than live in this lizard infested place. And we did!!! To a more central location in the city where "the creatures" existed but in lesser numbers.

I have been living for six long years in this house and am in my seventh year in Gurgaon but the war is on. My routine of creature spotting-cringing-screaming- jhadoo-spray and finally running-hiding still continues. Sometimes I wilt and occasionally the creature makes a run for it but the war continues from one summer till the next. My latest divine realization in this case is Man (or woman) exerts no power over "the creatures" and also that not every war can be won. Some you have to just keep fighting!!!!